Category: self-knowledge
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For The Ones Who Tried
How do you measure a life? Do you measure it by the numbersIn your bank accountYour numerous achievements Your red ledger book of wins? Or in the chance interactionsThe momentsYou touched someoneThe exchanges The depth of connectionYou had withLoved ones People you truly let in I can no longer shut out the painOr the tendernessOf…
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And So It Goes
A Song That Slowed Me Down Today Do you ever get those moments when you read a book, listen to music or see something and it captivates you? You attention is completely stolen in that moment, and it feels almost like times stops. You’re completely attuned to that work of beauty and you cannot help…
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On Vulnerability: Mando Song “雨天” Intepretation with Chat o3-mini
Why Chat is my go-to translator these days – not just for language but for emotions Have you used Chat for understanding yourself or perhaps interpreting songs and or dreams? I would recommend experimenting with it. Studies show that Chat is now better at emotional awareness than trained psychologist. Today I was struck by a…
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Memory, love, loss and longing in “After Yang“
I’ve been studying cognitive neuroscience as part of my M.A program in Clinical Psychology at Teachers College, Columbia University, and it’s been making me think a lot about what it means to be human. As I went though my notes on the various neural mechanisms that human beings employ to acquire knowledge and the myriad…
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The Vanishing Point in the Picture of Suffering
Beyond Religion, Stoicism & Positivity Today’s Everyday Light devotional by Selwyn Hughes tackles the universal challenge of human suffering. When faced with unmerited pain and injustice, simplistic solutions can feel inadequate. Stoicism’s call to endure with calm detachment, or positivity’s reframing of suffering as an opportunity, while noble, may sometimes ring hollow. As Hughes insightfully…
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Failure & Success: Two Sides of the Same Coin
Take God’s Perspective To Release the Pressure Gauge Today’s reading by Selwyn Hughes touches on a subject deeply personal to many of us – failure and success. As someone driven and creative, with multiple interests and passions, I often find myself pursuing various projects but not always bringing them to completion. This tendency, combined with…
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The Nature of Grace: Unveiling Its Transformative Power
A Deeper Look at How Grace Is Applied and Made Tangible in Daily Living Hello all! In order to be more deeply rooted in God’s word, I’ve started doing daily readings of Selwyn Hughes ‘Everyday Light Daily Devotional’ and making an intentional effort to reflect on the questions posed at the end of the Bible…
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“MERMAID” KICKSTARTER LAUNCHED!!!
YOU CAN NOW PLEDGE! ◡̈ Dear Friends, It’s 22nd July and I’ve officially launched the KICKSTARTER for ‘MERMAID’ my 2nd Singer-Songwriter Album! You can access the KICKSTARTER here and make a pledge according to a reward tier that you fancy! Thank you for journeying with me so far. The official concert launch (and farewell) was…
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Bulletproof
____________ Do you think you’d ever try again?He askedI was not afraid I was not threatened I was not offended Why? I knew there was nothing there except the desire For connectionFor understandingFor knowingAnd love I said maybe when I’m establishedAnd have my ducks in a row When I’m bulletproof I think back on that…
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New York City
The City of Dreams Photo By: Deborah Lee Yu Rong The spirit of a city, any city is important and can often be felt. There’s a unknowing presence and sense that comes upon you when you feel met by the soul of the city. This is where I feel met. Many have told me how…
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Mirrors
Introduction: “Spiegel im Spiegel” meaning ‘Mirror in Mirror’ in German captivated me (and still does), not just for its hauntingly beautiful melody, but for the person (a clown) who shared it with me. The composer Arvo Pärt wrote music inspired by his spiritual life. This poem came to me like a gift and penned itself…
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No Pretty Words
No Pretty Words I don’t have pretty words for you Death hurts Death separates And when you think on the face of the person You love Your eyes prickle with fresh tears Trickling out from a rock You were once here And now you’re not The feelings and memories of you So real So tangible…
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Looking for glimmers
They say to look for the glimmersBut when your heart feels heavyAnd the future uncertain Can you see the glimmers? When the darkness never ends Can Joy still attend? They say to look for the glimmers What if all you need to do isTo sit in the darkness and cry withA friend? They say to…
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Goodbye Mom
When She Goes When she goesIn her blue dressAnd pearls What will I do? When they send herInto the fireThe last I will see Of her How will I move? She’s all I can seeIn the ocean of my mindHer greyed hairHer drooping eyesHer tiredness Yet stronger stillIs her presence in meThe woman I knew30…
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The Slow Life
So, I’ve been feeling pretty sick and run down for over a month now – nursing a bad cough and ribs that for some reason have been hurting to the point that it hurts to lie down in my left side. I think it’s part of the pressure of the hustle life – I’ve been…
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Mr Grasshopper
There was a really ugly and intimidating looking grasshopper lurking around my sweet basil plant for about the past two days. This ugly fella felt like an intruder and I could feel the tension in my body mounting every time I laid eyes on it. He was getting into my space and making me feel…
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A.I and Fiction
This piece explores the possibility of A.I being able to tell stories like humans do. I interacted briefly with ChatGPT to facilitate the exploration of this question. Photo by Kunj Parekh on Unsplash
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Anger – The Five Letter Word
For most of my life I believed that anger was a bad emotion and that I should “discipline” it out of my life — meaning that I should never express my anger to others or speak in ways that showed my anger, upset or unhappiness. I grew up in a church environment and took everything that was…
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“Home” is when you stop lying to yourself
I’m a singer-songwriter and the the official title of my debut album is “Home.” (See Footnote 1) It is titled “Home” because making music creates a space for me to feel completely at rest and at home. It’s a place I can escape to and use my imagination to recreate worlds and images and sounds…
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Wishing Well (Tell Me)
Have you ever wondered how to tell a woman your feelings about her? Here’s a little song and some insight as to how you might approach her.
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High and Dry
“High and Dry” by Radiohead was the anthem of my late teen years and my 20s. It came back to my life again and again in various ways and took on different shades of meaning each time. The first time I noticed the song was when I was 16 at Wala Wala’s a bar in…
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If
If I could take away thoseTwo deep lines betweenYour brows I would You lie thereIn your pink uniformDreaming harried dreams Playing out all the dramaYou’ve lived on In vivid technicolor I sit hereUnwilling to wake youFrom your restful stupor How much rest have you reallyHad all these years? When will you sleepWithout those Creases betweenYour…
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Are You Good Enough?
Struggling with feelings of never being good enough? Read this article to heal yourself
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Time Underwater
I wish we had more time together Things would look so different underwaterWhen you consider all the waysThis tale could unfurl Can you imagine a different world? One structured byThe raw materialsOf hope, love and truthWhere people can see Beyond their fears Where things unsaid aren’tMade to degradeWhere words and their shadesDon’t obscure but create…
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Wet Market
I remember it well,Trailing behind youSuffocating inThe heat and stench,As slopping waterMingled with the bloodOf freshly gutted fishSplashed against myFlip-flops andOnto my feet and ankles I hated it,Like a fish out of water,I languished in the recessesWhile you bargained like a magpieWith the feisty womenAnd crusty old menBehind the standsOf fresh meat and vegetables You…
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Regret
“Do you regret marrying Dad”I ventureWondering if she knowsWhy I ask “No, I don’t regret it” There is a pregnant pauseA naked silence “Why not?”I ask, undeterred “I don’t believe in the word regret” she offers Meanwhile,My brain is busy decodingwhat she’s saying “It doesn’t matter what you believe, but the wordexists mom”I mutter in…
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Stories
We live in storiesThe onesWe inhabitIn our heads The ones that weTell to eachOther To give understanding And hope To remind ourselvesThere’s somethingThat connectsUs all That binds usTo the fabric ofLife A purposeThat transcends Our smallHappiness And deep sadness We live in stories Because we can
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When Time Runs Still
When time runs stillTomorrowWith hours to kill and moreto follow Where will you be? The night is longAnd the days blendThe season’s goneWith the new trend Where are you now? The wedding bellsAre ringingAnd down the aisleThe Bride is walking But you’re not there Heaven’s singingAll of your songs I’m dreamingOf days long gone Remembering…
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Mangoes
Ripe with aMalfeasanceThat threatensTo engulf meWhole Round, fulland yellowWith that lingeringScentAn inviting sweetnessTo biteInto juicy flesh You’d buy them for meAnd I’d reject them Only to takethem homeReluctantly,If only to stopYou from eatingThemand hurtingYourself Your colonCan’t take itThe two operationsThe growing cancerpushing intoYour peritoneum When you eat mangoesyour intestines get blockedAnd your pain escalates The…
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The Soul Would Have No Rainbow, Had The Eyes No Tears
This Christmas, I am gifting myself the gift of grief. I wrote a song on this particular theme because I’m so sick and tired of all the positive messaging I’m constantly bombarded with. Everywhere… Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn … like… highlight reel allergy much. I’m not a cynic, but can I just get an honest (though…
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City of Angels
These streets are marked with sadnessThe alleyways and boulevards,This city of Angels and DevilsWhere opulence and poverty rub shouldersAnd sex is plied on the streetsBy numbered girls in short pleated skirts Thick eyeliner accentuatesTheir dulled eyesAnd bright pink lipstickBelies their hardened smilesIn a city that promised muchBut instead, took everything A few blocks away,Stand houses…
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Quiet
What are all these words?Why all this noise?Why do people keep onTalking without saying anything? I just want to hear your heartThe steady beatingI just want to know your soulAnd its rhythm keeping Quiet nowListening toThe words not said Nestled in the distantspaces between
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Praxis
What does retraumatization and gaslighting in church look like? This is my own account of what I went through as a victim and survivor of domestic violence. I have since left this church.
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14th March 2010
Memories…will they rain down On me. By the time I hit thirty? Will they thrive on Lonely nights And silent walks Or will they trickle down Like water in my hair? Solitude.. to learn to Love my company And savor the vaulting expanse: This consciousness you give to me. Words, to pierce my heart And…
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The Ocean Wants Me
Treading waterI can’t see the lightCan’t find the bottomI’m losing the fight Dark sky aboveCold water aroundPieces of my broken pastScattered where they’re found Lord can you help meI’ve tried my bestBeen treading for so longNow I just want to rest The ship of faithhit rocks and sankswallowed by the seaA distant memory Savior can…
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Breathing In and Out
There were things about himThat I breathed in And things that I breathed out There were thingsAbout him I could seeAnd things that I could do without After he leftthere were so many waysI found myselfdoing the things I loved most in him Learning thatWhateverI had seen in him Had been in me All along
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You Sought A Woman, You Found a Soul
Edith Södergran: The Day Turns Cool I.The day turns cool towards evening…Drink the warmth of my hand,my hand has the warm blood of springtime.Take my hand, take my white arm,take the longing of my shoulders…Wondrous to feel,one sole night, a night like this,your heavy head on my breast. II.You threw the red rose of your…
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Jukebox Player
You talk about your glory daysMatron Maxwell, who mentored youEngland and MGS, like theyWere one and the sameConflating past and present You can bridge time Yes, in your mind But you’re here with me now And I’ve got front row seatsTo the broken walls of your mind I’ve got full access To the hallways of…
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Creativity, How I Adore You! *Blergh*
(3 min read) I recently found an old song book from my Primary School. As a child I know I had many thoughts and opinions, most of which I would keep to myself because I didn’t feel comfortable sharing them with anyone. I felt so vindicated to find the song titled “Creativity, How I Adore…
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Daenerys
I know now whyshe burned cities downI feel the fireof her dragons breathing downon me The righteous angerthat was never seenheard or feltthat was dismissedby a thousandmenand the lies ofmyths and traditions She grazed it downto the groundand burned everythingsymbolizing thosechains Born in the fireCleansed by her angerShe finds new life in the ashes
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Drive My Car
I went to The Projector on Tuesday this week for the 7:30pm screening of “Drive My Car” which won “Best Screenplay” in the 2021 Cannes Film Festival. It is a movie adaptation of Haruki Murakami’s short story of the same title. (SPOILER ALERT: important plot points will be revealed, so please do not continue reading…
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Using Humor to Disguise Fear or Terror
“Oh, Peter, of course I understand. And I approve. I’m a realist. Man has always insisted on making an ass of himself. Oh, come now, we must never lose our sense of humour. Still, I’ve always loved the tale of Tristan and Isolde. It’s the most beautiful story ever told – next to that of…
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Why David Bothers Me
As a mature Christian, I find it unsettling that after all these years, the biblical David still really irritates and annoys me, and I would daresay even outrages me. As much as I try to put this conflict in my heart to rest, I still find it very difficult to accept that he has such…
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The Cathedral of Your Mind
What do you build in the CathedralOf your mind? Garbage in, garbage outWhat are you watchingThese days? What images play in your mind?How do you like them? Does your spirit senseSomething’s amissOr is it like sleeping beauty Waiting for true love’s kiss Do you feel like you wereMade for something moreThan just another dayOf going…
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Listen
I rediscovered recently on an older blog of mine that I had forgotten about. My entries in that blog really spoke to me and reminded me of the person I am deep inside, someone that went into hiding for a long time. I wonder if in the process of being married and building a life…
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