A Song That Slowed Me Down Today

Do you ever get those moments when you read a book, listen to music or see something and it captivates you?

You attention is completely stolen in that moment, and it feels almost like times stops.

You’re completely attuned to that work of beauty and you cannot help but listen, or read the line, again and again.

I see these moments as grace – grace for being alive and for being able to perceive beauty, and enjoy it -the sheer joy of feeling what it does to my nervous system, feeling those little tendrils of pleasure that unfurl throughout my body.

In moments like these, I’m aware of my Maker’s Presence, and my heart utters a silent ‘Thank You.’

Today I heard a song that really put me in this headspace, and I’ve been listening to it on repeat.

Here it is: And So It Goes by ‘The King’s Singers’

The original version is was sung by Billy Joel. It is raw and heartfelt, but this interpretation by Bob Chilcott really expanded my thoughts and feelings – the choral arrangement gave me a feeling of spaciousness, something that is not easy to find these days as I’m busy with both work and school.

The lyrics really resonated with me too:

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I’ve held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you, soon, I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It’s just as well for all I’ve seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That’s if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

This song and it’s arrangement really breathes, the way the singers enunciate certain words, e.g. ‘silence’ in the fourth paragraph is profound. I wonder if it strikes you that way too? I feel in my body something opening up when I listen to this song – like a space in my upper chest and back area. It’s like I’m resting into the layers of music that wrap around me.

Music is and feels like a womb for me – a place where I go to for safety and rebirth.

I haven’t been able to be in that place for a while. I listen to music throughout the day while I study/work and even when I walk, but it’s not always possible to get in touch with my muse.

Here’s a picture that I drew a while ago when I was trying to articulate how I felt about music:

I’ve been trying to stick to a new routine, one where I spend some unstructured time with my guitar, for about 30 mins or so in the mornings after my morning rituals of coffee, journalling, meditating and reading the word.

And it’s been quite healing. I inevitably end up playing some worship songs and sometimes end up fiddling around and figuring out a new song/or song idea – I miss being able to spend 5-6 hrs a day practicing the guitar, or writing new songs – something I used to do in the past when I was performing more frequently.

Coming back to the guitar, with no expectations and full permission and freedom to do whatever I want to in that time has been life-giving. It helps me come back to myself.

Looking forward to May/June/July where there will be a school break and I can spend abit more time on music writing, production and crafting the Mermaid Album.

Stay tuned! ◡̈