“Do you regret marrying Dad”
I venture
Wondering if she knows
Why I ask

“No, I don’t regret it”

There is a pregnant pause
A naked silence

“Why not?”
I ask, undeterred

“I don’t believe in the word regret” she offers

Meanwhile,
My brain is busy decoding
what she’s saying

“It doesn’t matter what you believe, but the word
exists mom”
I mutter in the recesses of my
Mind … referencing so
Many examples of her
Irrational systems of behavior
And belief

Words not yet formed

———————————————————

“We don’t know what we do at that time”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, I didn’t know what I was doing when I folded your clothes, I didn’t know what I was doing then.

I thought I loved him. And for years I didn’t know what love was”

“You didn’t know what you were doing when you folded my clothes…”

My mind understands, and doesn’t at the same time.

Dialectical.

Maybe the time
has come,

no longer to understand

But to accept