Sometimes I feel like I am drowning Lord. I feel like I am completely overwhelmed by the depths of my emotions and the tears inside that are fighting to come out.
Please help them to come out. I have gotten so used to suppressing my emotions that it is hard for me to cry. Lord! Help me to cry – it would be sweet release.
Every hour and every day I turn to you in the full immensity of my need. There is nothing, no one who can fills this aching hole in my soul. I know this hole far too well – I have carried it my whole life.
I have been defined by it.
I have created things to silence the hole; I have built many things to quieten the pain. I have tried so hard to be ‘good’ so that the pain would go away.
It goes away sometimes.
But when I silence the world. When I sit still, that gaping hole comes back and I am confronted with it.
“What foundation will you build your life on Deborah?” You ask me. “The foundation of the works of your hands, or the foundation of Jesus – your rock, your salvation, safety and peace?
So today I choose dear Lord. I choose you. I turn to you and offer up this hole in my soul to you.
You created me, you knit me together in my inmost being, you say that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That, I know full well.
I am yours, fully, completely, deeply. I acknowledge my need for you – there is not a part of me that I am holding back from you anymore dear God.
I am yours. Do with me what you will. I trust you completely.
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